Ascanio Celestini

Ascanio Celestini

The People is like a child

He doesn't understand anything about politics.
If you talk Him about revolution and you do it seriously, it ends up that the People really makes it, that revolution.
So, we must do as the Communist Party did.
They made the People see the revolution from a distance, like a dancer on television.
The People is like a child and enjoys watching dancers.
Boys watch television because they like dancers's asses.
And girls watch television because they would like to have an ass like those dancers who boys are so fond of.
Everybody watches asses on TV
But both girls and boys know that TV is just an appliance.
That those asses exist only into TV.
They look around and the truth is that they are just sitting on the sofa in their apartment with no ass and no dance around.
But they're happy anyway. They are happy because every time they turn on TV again, there will be an ass ready to be watched, live broadcast.
And no matter if it is fake like Cinderella tale.
It matters only that after the live-broadasted ass they can go to bed serene.
The People likes the revolution, but you must show it as the ass of the a dancer.
Like something beautiful and impossible.
You must tell Him about the revolution, like a fairy tale.
The People is like a child.
He always wants to have reason.
So who rules the people has to tell him that the "the others are always wrong.
The others are disbelievers atheists, perverted homosexuals, dirty southerns, stinky black ones...
..in other words: relativists".
Then the People is happy.
Because the People is a child and as all the children He likes to play.
In children's games there is always someone who wins and some other who loses.
That's why the People likes football so much.
The People knows that the real football is not the one played in the small fields, it's not a match among friends.
The People knows that He cannot play the real football.
That He can only watch the real football on television.
Then the People sits and watches.
The People screams, shakes, gets tired like a child.
And when the night comes He immediately falls asleep. The People is very good, He is like a sheep.
The People knows that life is like a football game on television, as the final of the world championship: the whole world watches it, but then the match is played only by two teams.
Football is beautiful! Life is beautiful!
Only a few can enjoy it, but everyone else can cheer.
The People is like a child.
If you steal His candies, the child gets angry.
But if you put them in a shop He buys them immediately.
So you, who are smarter than the People, would make them pay twice of their value.
So for each candy He buys, one you sell and another you steal.
If you put your hands in the People's pocket you're a thief,
but if the People comes to you and empties His pockets, it's only a law of the market.
The People is like a child, He likes to buy candies.
Then maybe He takes them home and doesn't even eat them.
Maybe He throw them in the bucket, maybe.
Because children like to buy buy buy.
So you, who are more adult than people sell them everything.
The People wants to eat? And you sell Him junk until He bursts.
The People wants songs? And you sell Him some pounds of refrains to sing under the shower.
The People want ideals? And you sell Him also those.
Then maybe He takes them home and no longer believe in them.
Maybe He threw them in the bucket.
Better! Better...
So He goes straightaway back to the supermarket to buy candies.
The People is like a child.
Makes lots of questions and you can not tell Him the truth
otherwise He makes your life difficult.
For example, I've got a son, his name is Robertino Casoria, he's the worst of his class.
She said "Daddy what are the terrorists?"
I've wanted to tell the truth, I told him: "Do you remember when you were a child? At Christmas I told you that Santa Claus would come.
You were a smart kid and you didn't believe.
But then at night I went to put the presents under the tree and the next morning when you saw them you started to believe that Santa Claus had brought them. You thought that if there is a gift it means that there is also the bearded one who takes it with the sleigh with reindeer.
But it was still me.
And terrorists are the same thing. Someone tells you that there are terrorists and you do not believe it.
Then a bomb bursts, a couple of skyscrapers collapse
and everybody thinks that if there is the attack it also means that there are the terrorists...
but it is all a lie, it's still Dad who silently in the night blows up bombs and then blames the terrorists".
And my son goes:
"My friend Pancotti Maurizio" - Robertino goes around with
a fat kid that is unbearable, and I think it's also a bit stupid - he told me, "says Maurizio Pancotti that this thing is called strategy of tension"
Then I told him "your friend Pancotti Mauritius is a Communist!
And you know why he is so fat? Because communists eat the children. Be careful when you go to him for a snack because he is going to eat you!"
And my son Robertino began to tremble.
For a week he no longer left the house.
I obrained him to do whatever I wanted, I told him "wash my car! Tidy up your room! Bring me my slippers!" He obeyed me like a dog. Because one can rule with fear.
And the People is the same.
The People is like a child.
If you don't want Him to get lost in the woods you have to tell Him that there is the big bad wolf, the monster!
The terrorists, the Arabs with their big beards, the Malaysians pirates. Occasionally words must change, to perform a rotation.
The devil, the zombies, the monster of Loch Ness, the bugaboo, the Martians, the ghosts.
The People is like a child.
If you scare Him, He brings you your slippers, He washes your car.
The People is like a child.
If you scare Him, He obeys immediately.

This is a part of a monologue by Ascanio Celestini. The translation is mine, the original is over here.